I get so many questions about how I get along with Della’s father or how do we make co-parenting work. There’s the “Does he have a say in what you do for her” or ” How do can you stand to talk to him” or the “Don’t you hate him now that you are not together”? People are often surprised by my response.
Yes, he does have a say in her life. I don’t concern him with the routine day-to-day stuff but for important things, like her health or daycare, I do consult him. Now, if he has her and has a question, he calls me and asks for advice. I think it has more to do with her being a girl and he only raised boys. No, we don’t hate each other. We are actually really good friends and we talk all the time and it really helped that we were friends before we had a child together. We have no intentions of ever getting back together. He has moved on with his life and is in a relationship with a wonder person and I have moved on with my life. I actually talk to both him and his wife and there is open communication between all of us.
The most important thing, to him and me, is our daughter knows she is love and wanted. We make sure she is able to talk to either of us whenever she wants. She can call her dad, stepmom, or brothers, at anytime, and they will talk to her or video chat with her. She spends weekends or weekdays, when he’s not working, with her family.
I grew up in a home with both my parents. They were married for almost 40 years, until my dad passed. Even though my dad was in the home, my mom was a single parent in raising us. Now, my dad worked everyday and provided a home for us (my mom also worked just as many or more hours), but he wasn’t there for my sister and me, as a dad. He didn’t show us the love, little kids needed, growing up. We rarely got hugs or conversations, he didn’t ask us about school, boys, the sports we played, and he never came to one game or awards ceremony. So, as you can image, I went looking for that love in the wrong way and caused myself a lot of pain and heartache.
I never want Della to feel the loneliness and hurt I felt growing up. I never want her to wish her dad would hold her, play with her, or say something nice to her. I never want her to feel like she doesn’t matter. He dad shows her all the things, and more, I wished my dad would have shown me. Even her brothers are protective of her and they are much older than her. And yes, she has them wrapped around her finger, and I love it. Our whole family loves it. We don’t want her to feel she needs to look to a boy or man, outside her family, to get the love she is missing from her dad.
So, how do we make co-parenting work- we put our daughter’s needs and wants first. No matter how we feel about each other or if we have disagreements, we always make sure we put her first.